Good or Bad Manner

In our society, good manner is considered as one of the most important thing a person should have. People with good manners tend to be more successful and are more accepted by others. That is not a surprising thing, since everyone surely wants to be treated nicely. For example, when we are in a completely new environment and there is no one we know, it would be easier and more pleasant to approach someone who is polite rather than someone whom is rude. However, things are not always easy. We cannot just expect others to treat us nicely; we should do the same to them, too. The rule is simple; treat other the way we want to be treated. If we want to be respected, show respect, if we want others to be treated nicely, then treat others nicely. Good manners can also be shown by doing simple things, such us do a polite greetings, show a good table manner, and choose unoffending words. That, however, is a bit more complicated once we are not in our own country. We need to be more cautious, since one harmless gesture such as a handshake, various hand gestures, and some basic table manner could have a completely different meaning in other culture or country.

Even though handshake is the most common thing people do at a first meeting, different countries have different opinion about it. In United States, England, and in Indonesia, a strong handshake is admirable, because it shows confidence and poise. On the contrary, in most of Eastern countries, particularly Philippines, this kind of handshake is seen as an aggressive act, therefore considered rude. Moreover, some Muslims will not shake hands with someone of the opposite sex, especially those who are not their family. Other thing about handshake is, while it is predominantly okay to offer the left hand for a hand shake, it is regarded as rude in Indonesia and most Arab countries because these countries believe that the left hand is unclean.

Various hand gestures, such as making an OK sign and V (peace) sign, are other ambiguous things to do when it comes to different culture. Although making an Ok sign is deemed harmless and holds a meaning of agreement in most countries, in Germany, Turkey, Greece and some South American countries, doing this gesture can be misinterpreted as an insult and seen as vulgar, also indicating that we call them homosexuals. Making a V sign is a normal thing and is casually used in some countries like Japan and Korean to show peace, victory, or simply as a signal of the number 2. However, in Australia, Ireland, New Zealand, and Italy, a V sign is considered rude and offending, and if it was done, it can cause a commotion.

Just like handshakes and hand gestures, different countries also have varying table manners. In countries like Indonesia, those who slurp their food and belch after they finish eating appear to be ill-manner. Nevertheless, there are also countries where belching and slurping are done as a sign of appreciation and to show that we are enjoying the foods. Another peculiar table manner that is different from our culture is that in China, Korea, and some other countries, finishing your food or emptying your plate is not a good manner for the reason that it signifies how the host does not provide enough food, and by doing this they would continue to put more food into our plate. On the opposite, if someone has some left over on his or her plate in countries like Indonesia and Japan, the host would think that s/he did not enjoy the food, therefore making she or he looks discourteous.

The things that are stated above are examples of how different things can be seen in different cultures. How things that are believed to be friendly gesture and show good manner can be an offending thing to others. Same concept can be applied to people. Every individual have their own definitions of how other people should act in order to be seen as good mannered. Some people might think that offering a handshake in the first meeting is being friendly when others might think that it is impolite to touch someone we just meet. That is why we need to pay more attention on how things work around us. Also, we need to be more considerate to opinions and cultures that are different from ours. Just like I mentioned it before, treat others the way we want to be treated. By learning, or at least try to respect other culture and act accordingly, the chance of other people to respect our beliefs and culture would be bigger.

References

http://www.languagetrainers.co.uk/blog/2007/09/24/top-10-hand-gestures/  (10/24/2013 – 10.27 PM)

http://travel.ninemsn.com.au/world/rudegestures/835248/innocent-gestures-that-mean-rude-things-abroad (10/24/2013 - 10.27 PM)

http://www.cracked.com/article_16335_7-innocent-gestures-that-can-get-you-killed-overseas.html (10/24/2013 - 10.20 PM)

http://www.annieandre.com/2012/03/world-table-manners-etiquette/ (10/24/2013 – 10.19 PM)

http://people.howstuffworks.com/13-examples-of-good-and-bad-manners-around-the-world.htm#page=0 (10/24/2013 – 9.09 PM)

The Friendship Bond

As a human, we have to admit that we neither can nor want to be alone. That is why friend is such an important thing for us. Friendship is a very complex and extraordinary thing, because like what Mary Brown Parlee mentioned in her text, unlike marriage or the ties that bind parents and children, it is not defined or regulated by law. I fully agree with that statement. I think friendship is unlike any other thing in this world, it is unique as well as beautiful. The thing that make friendship unique is because each person has their own definition, such as why they yearn to have friends, the essential things in a friendship, the rules in friendship, and activities in friendship.

I believe everyone in this world wants to have friends. That has become our basic instinct as a social being. Having a friend or maybe lots of friends can refrain us from feeling lonely because they are constantly there for us. It can also make us feel more content, since by being in a group of friends make us feel like we belong somewhere and not completely alone. For me, my reason to have friends is to have a companion. I have never liked to be alone, and if I’m in a room full of people I do not know, I will get nervous and feel out of place. However, when I’m with at least a friend, I will feel more at ease and therefore less nervous. Also, when we have someone who has same interest with us, we can talk for hours and never run out of thing to say.

When we look for a friend, of course there are things that we deem need to be considered. The article ‘The Friendship Bond’, refers to questionnaire that says that people do not look for friends based on their race, sexual preference, religion, and ethnic background. They look for loyal, honest, supportive, and understanding people, instead. That is the same for me. I am not a type of person who can approach people very easily and I rarely speak to strangers, I am the listener type of person. Therefore, I look for someone who is more talkative and outgoing than me to be my friends. I do not really mind who I get to befriend with, but when it comes to best friends, I am quite picky. I prefer to have few very close best friends than to have tons of not-so-close friends. For me, the most important thing in friendship is trust, because what make friends close are the secrets they shared together. We feel more attached to people we shared secrets with because we know that they trust us enough to know their private life. Also, by revealing our secrets and private life, we can be more comfortable and not afraid to get judged by them, making us braver to act like ourselves. There can be no friendship if one keeps hiding something from the others, because they would think that she or he does not trust them enough to tell them their secrets.

Some people say that those who always act differently around different people are fake or two faced. I do not agree with this. Acting differently around different people does not mean that we are fake; it is just that we have different comfort zones that differ from each person. For example, I cannot act careless and crazy in front of people I just know like how I do to my close friend, I am not comfortable enough to do that. Also, it is not right to sing at the top of my lungs when I am with someone who older than me, that is not polite. I cannot spazz about my favorite singer to people who are not even interested in their music; it would be annoying for her and I. That does not mean I am hiding part of myself from them, which just mean I am not comfortable enough to reveal all of myself to them.

From Parlee’s text and my personal experience, people seem to value their friendship so much. That is highly understandable for me. Friends are the closest people to us, sometimes even closer from our own families. Why is that? I think the answer varies for each individual, since friendship is a unique thing. Some says friends are important because they have spent a lot of time with them and knew them for years, such as childhood friends. Not everyone can maintain their friendship with their childhood friends, because people change, and sometimes it is hard to maintain relationship with someone so different from what we used to know. Therefore, those who are still close to their childhood friends are so lucky. Mine went to a school outside the city when we were in elementary school, so we cannot help but grew apart and I find it hard to get close to her again. Besides the first reason, some people also think that it is nice to be surrounded by people that care for us and listen to our problems. There are times when we feel like we just need to vent and let out our frustration, or simply talk about it. If we look at it from psychological standpoint, it can help to keep us sane, because those who do not have someone to talk to and keeping their problems to themselves are easier to fall into depression. As strong as we think we are, we would never be able to solve and face our problems alone, so it is better to have someone to talk to or to help us face our problems.

That leads us to my next discussions, which are activities in friendship. As what has already stated by Parlee, the main thing that friends do is intimate talk. Like I said earlier, when friends share secrets and talk about personal things, they would get closer. Moreover if our friend can relate to our problems and insecurities, that can make their bond stronger and make them more confident, since they know that they are not the only person with that problems or feelings. There are a lot of things we can do with or for our friends, from simple things like playing games, watch movies, and having a vacation, to things like asking for a help, share our opinions and thoughts on things, and many other. In addition, there are also things that we should not do with or to our friends, such as talk behind their back, betray their trust, talk about their secrets to other people, and worst, befriending them just to use them for your own needs. It really hurts when the person you think was your friend turns his or her back on you, when all the trust that we have given them is betrayed. I have experienced something similar to this, when my friend bad mouth me and talk behind my back. I got really angry and hurt at that time and I did not talk to her for weeks. Luckily, it was just a misunderstanding and she came to apologize to me. Even though it took some times to be back to how we used to before the fight, we got close again eventually and that event makes our friendship even closer.

In conclusion, I think friendship is a really amazing and indescribable thing. It cannot be defined, because the definition of friendship is different, depending on the person itself. But one thing for sure, friends are the person closest to you aside from your family, so close you can finish their sentence and know what they are thinking just by the their expression, someone you can trust with all your secrets and insecurities, and someone who would not judge you no matter what you do, but at the same time are not afraid to scold you when you are wrong. 

As It Was in the Beginning by E. Pauline Johnson

E. Pauline Johnson’s story, As It Was in the Beginning, was very interesting to read. Instead of the usual romantic moments and happy endings, it depicts dark thoughts and sad ending. However, as I was intrigued with the plot and the characterization, I could not help but disagree with Esther’s way of thinking. In my opinion, killing is never a good solution nor is it the right thing to do. I understand Esther’s anger towards Father Paul’s words about how Lawrence should not marry her because of her skin color and where her parents are from. Racism is never a good thing to heat, and it can be quiet upsetting to hear those kinds of words from the people whom you respect. Her jealousy is understandable, too. It is not an unusual thing to feel when you love someone. Still, that does not give her the right to kill Lawrence. I do not believe that Esther did that out of her love for Lawrence. It was done out of hurt and anger. If she was able to kill the one she loves and flee from the scene just like that, I doubt that she even loves him in the first place.

              

 A lot of people say that love can kill. Either you kill the one you love, other people, or even yourself. I partly agree with that saying, because there are situations where death seems like the better or even best option. For example, when your loved ones are suffering from an incurable illness and the only thing keeping them alive are some life-supporting machines. Can you bear with the thoughts that they are hurting every single day and night? Maybe it is better to end their misery and let them rest in peace rather than making them live in pain. But of course, that decision should depend on their concern, unless they are in a coma or unconscious. Because, as much as we love and want the best for them, we should never disregard their opinions and wants.

               

  I do not agree, however, with the case where a mother killed her children and herself in fear of them not having a good future. How could she think that death is the only solution when what she feared has not even happened yet? I really cannot understand this. Her action was not based on love; it was based on her cowardice and fears. She did bot has enough confidence in herself and her children. She was afraid of what people would say if she failed to raise her children, she feared the shame she might has to endure if her children were nor successful, and she doubted that her children would have a bright future. Those are not love. She would not give up before the actual fight if she truly loved them. She should not. No love gives you the right to decide other people’s future. Only God knows what will happen later, we should not interfere just because of what we think might happen. If that mother really loved her children, she should give them the chance to live their life and brace their future, no matter how good or bad that future is. If her worry turns out to be true and her children fail to have a good life, then she should help them get back on their feet and face it together. That is how love should be for me, to stay together in good or bad.

                

One thing that perks my interest is alteristic love. It brings so many questions in my head. Is there such a thing as alteristic love? Can someone really sacrifice themselves for the people they love? Am I willing to sacrifice myself for love? Is there anyone out there who would do this for me? I am still not entirely sure about the answer of these questions, but I think it is a beautiful and amazing thing if you are able to sacrifice yourself for your love. Like the one in the Finding Nemo movie. Even though they were arguing when they were separated,  the father still care about his son and did his best to get his son back. He went far away from home, came across sharks in the way, got lost a few times, rode a dangerous current, swan through jelly fishes, and he never gave up until he reunited with his son. That kind of love and sacrifice is very touching and inspiring for me. How he didn’t care about himself and risk his life just to meet his son again.

                

Love is a beautiful thing. We should not taint it with greed, jealousy, anger and selfishness. It should be the source of strength, not weakness. I think love cannot give a license to kill. If you can kill someone you love because you don’t want him to be with someone else, like what Esther did in Johnson’s story. That is not love. That is her possessiveness and greed taking control of her.

                

In conclusion, I partly agree with the idea of killing people or suicide out of love. Not the ones done out of greed, jealousy and possessiveness, but the ones which are done in order to put the people we love out of misery or pain. I believe alteristic love is justified, as long as it is still acceptable from moral or religious standpoints. Sacrificing our self for love is good, unless you over do it to the point where you purposely harm yourself. 

How Your Birth Order Influences Your Life Adjustment

Lucille K. Forer stated in her article that birth order plays a big role in people’s characterization, from how they act in the family, how they react when faced with a problem, to how mature they are. However, I do not entirely agree with these statements because these theories hardly apply to the children in my family, which just like a typical family in the United States, consists of my mother, father, sister, and I. What makes it different from the family in Forer’s discussion is that my sister and I are twins. Therefore, even though I play the role as the younger sister, there is no such thing as age difference between us. I have never known how it is to be forced to act more mature from having younger siblings nor to feel dependent to my older siblings, like how Forer said in her article. I think that is one of the perks of being a twin, we act more like a friend and feel more at ease with each other since we learn things and solve problems together.

             
As for other families, I do not think that birth order will determine children’s life adjustment. It does have an influence, but that does not define how we are going to be. Not every first child is mature, independent and responsible, just like not every later child is dependent and irresponsible. There can be a case where the oldest child acts more immature and careless because of the pressure she or he got from people around them. It can also be because they want to get their parents’ attention since parents seem to give more affection to later child. The environment in which they grew up and the people to whom they spend their time with also have some effects to how they act. For example, a child who grows up in a loving family will more likely become a happy and bright child, while a child who grows up in a strict family will either become timid and cold, or rebellious, regardless of their birth order.

             
School also has an important role in character building, since children spend most of their time at school with their friends aside from home. At school, children will learn how to be responsible, independent and develop their social skills. There will be a difference between children who do home schooling, normal school, and boarding school. Most of the time, those who attend boarding school are more mature and independent than those who go to normal school or home schooling because they are away from their parents. However, school can also bring bad influence to children, because of the pressure it gives, be it pressure from teachers or peer pressure. If children spend their time with the wrong people and cannot handle the urge to fit in, that could end up bad.  Once again, it all depends on the person itself.

In conclusion, I do not entirely agree with Forer’s theory about birth order’s influence to children’s character. It is true that most of first born children are more mature than their younger siblings, but that does not always mean that it was caused by their birth order. There are things which have more influence to our character and personality than birth order, such as family, how the parents act, school, friends, and many other things. 

^^

Hi there~ (^o^)/
This is my very first blog, so I'm not really sure what to do and what to post. But let's start with an introduction. My name is Ghina Nugramahesa, but you can just call me Ghina. I'm just an ordinary 17 year old girl who has an extraordinary opportunity to be able to study in Institute Technology Bandung. When I don't have anything to do, I usually spend my time listening to music or reading, and sometimes watching movies. I see myself as a quiet flexible person, as I'm not really picky with the musics I listen or movies I watch. I can't say the same about books, though. I am a very selective reader and I can't just read any book. My favorites are fantasies, mysteries, science fiction and a bit of fluff or romance. But, I can't read sappy stories and stories with lame jokes.
I think that's it for now. See you later~
xoxo ♥